Expectations. Expectations to me are an idea or plan we place in our mind on how something should be. It’s something we hold on to as the standard of success, happiness, and whatever else. It’s the thought of how that job interview will turn out, how that school reunion will be or how that first date with that really cute guy from a dating app won’t be sketchy at all. Here’s the thing: these expectations ruin our happiness and only result in disappointment. That job interview- yeah someone got hired before you even showed up, that high school reunion- no one really wants to go, and that first date you’ve built up to be a dream- say hello to your worst nightmare.
Expectations are dangerous and are the root of almost all of our pain and suffering in the mental department as humans. Ok yes, maybe a bit dramatic but hear me out! When we have expectations and things don’t turn out as we expect, we wish our lives were different, we start to second guess half the decisions we’ve made in this world and repeat the constant “what ifs.” Not only that but when we do get our hopes up and have them shattered, we start to expect less and less from this world, from situations, and from certain people.
I have always been one to hold expectations and I have found time and time again I am left feeling defeated. The way I expect other people should feel, what they should do, or a specific situation’s outcome is all built up in my head. I spend so much time throughout my day writing my life story in my mind just to realize that it can only be found under the “fantasy” category in a library. None of it is real, and the worst part is that I’m left feeling like I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. So what am I supposed to do?
My goal here is not to say getting excited about things or having hopes is the ultimate let-down. It’s more about awareness- knowing that 9 times out of 10 it won’t work out the way we pictured it- and to prepare you to better manage when life deals you a bad or extremely shi**y hand. It’s being aware when we do have expectations, and how having that awareness can help us manage our disappointment and be prepared to pick ourselves back up, put ourselves back together, and move on.
The best part is that you’re not alone. So many of us do this in our day to day life and while it may seem like we are alone on our island of misplaced confidence, we all got there in the same boat.
Here’s the thing, you don’t have to do this to yourself. You can rid yourself of this feeling by just finding a way to manage your expectations. Now, I don’t mean let go of your personal expectations like graduating college, finding your full-time job, or accomplishing the goals that you set for yourself. And please, please, PLEASE, know that your expectations on how you should be treated by other people, friend, significant other, or otherwise, should NEVER change. Those expectations are non-negotiables. You deserve to be treated in the best possible way, period. So honey, if that guy doesn’t text you back after a few really great weeks together, he isn’t worth your time, no matter how good he made you feel in the moment.
These personal expectations are completely valid, and some of the best ones to have because you are in control of them and determine the outcome. But the expectations that involve others, that involve situations out of your control are the dangerous ones that can lead to disappointment and regret. We do have an option to voice our expectations because people can’t read our minds! While communicating it can be helpful it can be hard to do when again, some of our expectations might belong in that fairytale. Having awareness of them though can better prepare you to deal with the unwanted outcomes and change your outlook on what to expect from others and life itself. Being aware that it is an expectation provides you with the chance to view situations as an opportunity to move closer to your desired outcome without requiring it for success. Essentially awareness is your bridge back to the mainland where there lies less doubt (welcome back)!
At the end of the day managing our expectations is easier said than done, I know, I’m still working on it myself. And I don’t have all the answers! My point is this: while expectations are completely natural more often than not they cause us to raise our hopes only to be let down. So instead I challenge you to rid yourself of expectations, yup that’s right, have zero expectations and view them more as opportunities- for growth, for learning, for whatever you need in that moment. And if you still have expectations deciding what to do with these expectations is YOUR CHOICE. How much power will you give them, and how are you going to let them affect you in your day to day life?
Just food for thought :]
I’d love to hear what you think in the comments below!
nice posting on Expectations. Sometimes we set negative expectations and when we actually are in the moment we learn that we have enormous amount of fun. Which in reality is a 360 switch. So sometimes your expectations turn better than what you had originally thought.